129, 128, 127, 126...

Had a pretty low-key and good weekend. Made a pumpkin cheesecake from hungrygirl.com. It's delish... Smile. Maybe ate a couple pieces too many... lol! But it was high protein/low carb and pretty much guilt free. I'm sitting pretty at 127 today. I'm fine with hitting the low 126 number before Thanksgiving so I can feast for several days without worry. I'll cap at 129 pounds post-feast.

This will be my first 'real' holiday that I'll allow myself more than three bites. I'm in my maintanence phase. I've built in my bounce room of 3-4 pounds. So, if I'm 'up' I won't feel down as I'll still be in my ideal range. I'm gonna do this for Christmas too. I'll let you know how well this works for me. Keeping it off permanently has always eluded me. 

Tonight I plan on going to the gym after work and burn a few.

What passes these lips... today I feel thin.

I realize, still at the age of 46, I let my self-esteem ride on how many calories pass my lips. I avoid many foods because I know they're a bad relationship for me, concentrating on the 'healthy' instead. Some days I struggle a bit as I hear the gnawing whispers of food and some days I just glide.

I identify thin with being beautiful and thin with the acceptance from society 'as if' it should matter and thin with being all things good. I hoped my two worlds of  'inner' and 'outer' would mesh once I arrived at thin. For some reason they haven't fully. Maybe I only half believe it myself, thin being so new to me. I've talked to my doctor and was told it takes time. I'm still waiting and I still have time.

GOOD. I feel good when I eat less. I feel good when I push myself just a bit harder with exercise. I feel good when I don't hear the whispers. I feel good when I see that little number on the scale tip even lower. I feel good when my smallest jeans are loose. I feel good when I'm complimented on my appearance, still half believing it myself. I feel good when someone says I'm their hero. What does this say about a person really? What does this say about me.

Guess, I'm still feeling the quirkiness and growing pangs of it all. 

Todays my lucky day!

I've been missing something... my work security badge. Can't get into this 'mother' without the thing... Geesh! I've been looking for the sucker for over a month! In purse, on dresser, side dresser, underneath dresser, under bed, in bag of catalogues I need to go through, in kitchen, living and dining room... still looking... under car seat... in trunk... at work... inside pockets... in washer... GASP!!! Errrrr... NOWHERE!!!  

We're about to have lay-offs of 10% payroll here, so I'm not gonna waist a good $15 on a replacement I may only need for a few more weeks... right? I'm just watching my hard earned $$$s like the rest of you guys... right?  Well, this morning I go to slip on a jacket which really isn't 'this season' but I can get away with it in the desert... but that's another story. And I've seen stories on recycling one's wardrobe from various seasons... cheap and thrifty seem to be the new black or green or whatever tf.

I found it! My BADGE! I was about to sit and go potty... my elbow hit my pocket... BINGO!!! I found it! Mind you I was 313 in my pic and am a mere 129 these days... not that I identify with 'her' in that pic, much these days... I've grown fond of 'her.' And I can get into the 'mother!'

The first of many perhaps?

I've been blogging on another site for the past several years. Thought it might be time to expand... my blogging skills that is!